“The guided way”. What does this mean? To me, it means living a life that is connected to Spirit – connected to your loved one across the veil…and allowing yourself to ask for, receive and believe in the communications and guidance that you are blessed with.
My friend Marla Grant recently wrote: “I am very comfortable living at the intersection of Spirit and the world of form. There is so much to learn, so much to inspire us and keep us connected to each other. Don’t get stuck in your left brain and dismiss all as ‘coincidence’. “
Mark Anthony describes spirit beings as Electromagnetic Souls – “that which we really are; which is pure consciousness that is eternal electromagnetic energy.” He goes on to say that “especially when a child dies, their death takes our future from us. It is important to embrace your emotions, confront them, understand them, and to educate yourself to the reality of the afterlife. We need to let go of the pain and the sorrow of the death, but never let go of the love for the person who transitioned.”
I’d like to take these beliefs a step further. Our future AS WE KNEW IT was taken from us. But we have the opportunity now to create a NEW future for ourselves, WITH our loved ones in Spirit still by our side, still present, still a part of all we do. It is a process of allowing ourselves to awaken to the truth of who we really are, physical beings with a SOUL which is our true essence, and understanding that we are not the person we were before our loved one died. And then – and here is the kicker – EMBRACING that awareness and redesigning who we want to be. Being EXCITED about this new ‘me’ and being curious about how she will reveal herself.
I don’t believe we need to let go of our pain before we can make a connection with our loved ones. I used to. I used to believe that we had to trudge through our story and our pain, again and again, before we could hear them/see them/feel them. I know now that this is not true. Connection sits BESIDE our pain and is accessible to any one of us, at any time. We get to choose what we ultimately do with our pain, just as we get to choose what to do with our connection. By allowing ourselves to rise above our pain, to allow that pain to ease (knowing that we are not betraying our loved one by doing so) we do become more open and therefore are able to receive more and more.
I am someone who didn’t have any spiritual background or belief systems, someone who (to my knowledge) had no direct communication with or experiences with Spirit, for the first 49 years of my life. That all changed when my son transitioned.
And I have learned that LOVE is the key. LOVE is the glue that will forever bind us to our loved ones in Spirit.
I’ll tell you my story today in a different way than you might have heard it before. For me, healing my grief has always been about finding my son. About maintaining an active and ongoing relationship with him. My beautiful Bryan. I don’t want to repeat the stories in my book, for those of you who have read it, but I will highlight the major experiences that we have had together to try and paint a pathway for you, of how we got from ‘my son died and I’ll never heal from this tragedy; I am broken’ to ‘my son still lives and is an incredibly active participant in my life’. This is how the connection process unfolded for me and for us:
Hearing my son call out ‘MOM’ with my ears – out loud – this launched everything for me;
Feeling his presence in yard – our first ladybug;
Psychic development classes – psychometry, meditation, oracle cards, later pendulum – I explored many different ways to communicate. I practiced. I wanted it so badly! I was determined to find him;
Signs, signs and more signs that he sent us.
And as I opened up to the truth that these communications were real, I started to experience:
Tingling at the back of my head;
Being able to feel his energy – actually feel it, and interact with him in that way;
Channeled writings—Spirit would direct me to the keyboard and beautiful messages would write themselves (our book was in part a channeled writing);
Tingling in my body when I speak spiritual truth, or when someone else does;
I began to hear Spirit mentally, thoughts dropping into my awareness, unprovoked by me;
I experienced a beautiful out of body experience while at the first HPH conference - such a gift!
And then the signs started getting bigger:
Bryan would send me hugs – an intense tingling that began at my crown, travelling down my entire body;
There was one time where I almost saw him – I did see the air in front of me get wavy and I knew he was right there;
In my guided meditations I started receiving messages from other kids in Spirit;
Now when one of the kids steps forward I’m very aware of their presence;
Spirit has started spinning the face emjoi on my zoom meetings.
So, how can you get to a place of connection in your own life:
Mark Anthony coined the phrase RAF as an action to take when you receive a sign from your loved ones: Recognize – Accept – Feel, don’t overthink. It’s brilliant! So simple, yes?
1. I like to go a tiny step further and ask my clients to LEAN into their signs and connections … when you feel them near, or receive a sign, or have a sudden unexplained memory of them - lean into it, ALLOW and acknowledge that what is happening is real, ENGAGE with them, and remember to THANK them for this gift of communication with them. Consider writing down what you were doing, what you felt, where you were, etc. when you had the experience. This process of connection doesn’t have to be hard. It’s only hard if we make it hard.
2. TRUST the messages you are receiving. Doubt and distrust will only pull you away from what you want the most – an ongoing relationship with your loved ones – with them in Spirit and you in physical. It is possible, it is real.
3. Explore the type of connection that works for you and your loved one. You may have more than one way to connect.
b. Dream Visits
d. Astral Travel
f. Automatic Writing
g. Mental Communication
h. Inner Knowingness
i. Being in Nature
j. Oracle Cards
l. Reiki and Energy Healing
m. Other ways that you and your beloved develop together
4. Whatever you choose - Practice. Ask your loved one to guide you. Ask them for a sign that the type of connection you are using is their preference as well.
5. Commit. Make time in your life for this. Show them that you are committed to this new life with them. We ask for signs, signs, and more signs…but what are you bringing to the table? Show them you want this as much as they do.
6. Say Thank you
There is so much more to “Living the Guided Way” than intentionally connecting with our loved ones in Spirit, however. Living the Guided Way is also about being in sync with the universe, with Source/God.
Spirit created this acronym for Guided – these are things you can do to live The Guided Way in your own life.
G – Give in. Allow Source/Spirit to Guide you. Be Grateful.
U – Understand and Believe that you are greater than your human limitations.
I – Intuition. Trust it and allow it to lead you.
D – Decide that you believe in Spirit’s ability to communicate with you, and reverse.
E – Embody all that you are -- no more hiding!
D – Dedicate yourself to adopting this as your new way of being.
The universe is conspiring FOR us, not against us. If we can remember to do these small things every day, miracles and synchronicities unfold before our very eyes. And man – is it fun to live life this way! I find myself laughing more, being more at ease, I am kinder to everyone I meet. I like me more!
I like to believe that I live ‘the guided way’ most days. I’m human, I have off days. Sometimes I get angry about silly things. But there is nothing better than the feeling I have when I am in communication with my son, and when I am in oneness with Spirit and the world around me.
I LOVE how Marla described this state of being connected to our loved ones as living at ‘the intersection of Spirit and the world of form.’ Another way to think of it might be having one foot in this physical realm, and one foot in the spirit realm. In the early days and years of my grief I worried that I was spending too much time in the Spirit realm. I don’t worry about that anymore . It’s exactly where I am meant to be, where I want to be. Here AND there, connected with God and Bryan and my spirit guides, aware of the shared purpose that Bryan and I have, and curious about what is to come; while still HERE, connected with my husband and family and friends, living life as fully as I can, experiencing all the beauty that this physical world offers.
Hold onto love. Your love is what will set you free. Your grief is only a reflection of your love. I think our job is to turn that grief around…turn that frown upside down - to love. To grieve is to have lovegd. Love is eternal. Love never dies.